The Road To Healing

     The road to healing is an ongoing process. At least the road to emotional and spiritual healing is that way. The day after surgery I had a vision, an experience, hell I don't know what it was, but it was extremely real to me. I felt myself moving further and further away from where I knew myself to be; as in my own bed, sore as all get out, resting as much as possible. I began to hear voices whispering, telling me to come and be with them. The voices became more distinct. I could identify my Dad, my Grandmother, and other relatives and friends directing me with their voices. What I actually saw was a cat. A black cat, but not just any cat. It was Linda's cat, TC, whom we had and loved for many years. I wanted to go and pick him up. I wanted nothing more than to hold TC, and go into those voices that I could hear distinctly by then. I became aware of the smell of watermelon, as if it was just under my nose. I began to go backwards into my own body, to this realm, and I thrashed and wailed and tried to fight my way back to the voices. Dana came rushing in from the kitchen to see what was wrong. I was so hysterical that I could not even voice what had happened to me. I wont speculate about what actually happened, only that I had no doubt that it was a wonderful special place, and that it was not my time to be there.
     Time marches on, as it does, and the wounds began to heal. The incision was massive, and left a long scar that bisected my navel, and is devoid of feeling, on both sides, the entire length of it. I never questioned that it was a God thing. I wont ask you to believe it, you will or you wont, but I felt that there was still a purpose for me here, I just had to find what it was. I had my share of pity parties. I hibernated back here in my cavern, with the computer, tv, mini fridge and master bathroom. I had little desire to do much of anything. I was already crippled from two car wrecks, whatever it was that I needed to do, it could damn well come to me. 
     I had been doing bits and pieces of life coaching in the 3 years since I had earned my masters in counseling and human development. Mostly for no fee. I knew that I had something new to offer to clients. Life had thrown yet another hard curve ball, aimed directly at my head, and I had narrowly dodged it once again. I needed to build a proper website, put myself out there for more business, and just get better organized in general. I bucked it. Hard. I did not want anymore responsibilities. I did not want to have to care about   what anyone else was trying to muddle through, or where they needed or wanted to go. Until I fixed me, I was incapable of guiding anyone anywhere, for any reason.